Three Senryu
commentary
by Tom Lynch and Paul O. Williams
The following is commentary by the judges
of the 2000 Haiku Society of America Gerald Brady Senryu Contest, in which these
three poems were honourable mentions. First published in Frogpond XXIV:1, April 2000, page 88.
Valentine’s Day—
she reminds me
to fasten my seatbelt
Michael Dylan Welch
What has become of the passions of early romance? Small gestures of caring,
little naggings, and yet not without sincere sentiment. (TL)
before the guests arrive
I straighten
the straight cushions
Michael Dylan Welch
Who can’t read this poem and think, “been there, done that”? One needn’t be a
finicky housekeeper to relate. The senryu, it strikes me, is more about the
nervousness we feel when important visitors are coming than a comment on
overzealous housekeeping per se. (TL)
a lull in her hands—
the hairstylist asks
how I part my hair
Michael Dylan Welch
How many of us dive into our work and plow ahead only after awhile to wonder
what we are doing. The hairstylist, sure of her skill, has realized she is
beyond her depth for a moment and is caught up short, and has to ask what she
should be doing. The way line one is expressed seems both natural and yet
original—very nicely done. (PW)
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