The Logical ToiletFirst published in Prune Juice #24, Spring 2018. page 103. Originally written in August of 2010, and
revised in December of 2012. See
also “Toilet Seat Up or Down?”
It has occurred to me that if women complain about men always leaving toilet
seats up, isn’t it nearly as illogical for women to leave them down? As a
result, years ago I decided for myself that the thing to do, to be on my best behavior,
would be always to lower both the seat and
lid. After all, if the lid is up, the toilet bowl is unsightly. So, lid and
seat down is not only a neutral stance, but clearly more aesthetically pleasing.
And that’s what I’ve been teaching my children, albeit with mixed results. To
me, it’s one of those little things one learns to do properly, like loading
toilet paper so it rolls out from the top. Indeed, the patterns are printed on
the outsides because manufacturers know rolling off the top is the correct
way—and hotel housekeepers always fold their blessed little points on toilet
paper ends with the toilet paper rolling off the top. In his book In Praise of Shadows, Jun’ichirō Tanizaki notes, of the Japanese
toilet, that “Here, I suspect, is where haiku poets over the ages have come by
a great many of their ideas.”
half a moon
through the outhouse window—
light just enough to read
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