First published in Midwest Poetry Review 23:1, Winter 2002, page 57 (winner of an honorable mention, and shucks, $25, in the 2001 Midwest Poetry Review Limerick Contest).


There once was a fellow named Ted

Who went to Rebecca and said,

      “Please be me wife

      For the rest of my life,”

And now they are legal in bed.



First published in The Knight Letter (journal of the Lewis Carroll Society of North America) #42, Summer 1992, page 6.


There once was a writer named Carroll,

Who found himself over a barrel;

      Then he cried “Forty-two!”

      And his writer’s block flew

Out the window in Jubjub apparel.

Previously unpublished, posted to Facebook 21 March 2015, for Jim Teeters.

There once was a fellow named Jim
Exhibiting poetic vim—
      But he just couldn’t view
      Such forms as haiku
As his own without pseudonym.


The following limericks are mercifully not previously published.
There once was a British tyke,
Whose name youd probably like.
      He’ll make you guess it,
      And then he’ll confess it,
And tell you his name is Mike.

A Quartet of African Barbers, Singing Lustily

Chad Fad


There once was an actor from Chad,

Whose coughing was terribly bad.

        He coughed on the tele,

        From deep in his belly,

And now he has started a fad.


Jolly Mali


There once was a man who was jolly,

Who took a safari to Mali.

        He hunted no game,

        And never took aim,

For his name was Salvador Dalí.


Ghana Bananas


There once was a lady named Anna

Who lived in a country named Ghana.

        She got very sick,

        And died very quick,

From eating a rotten banana.


Uganda Pandas


There once was a man in Uganda,

Who really deserved quite a handa.

        For he became lost,

        At very great cost,

While searching in China for panda.

More to come . . . maybe.