Try singing this loudly at your next holiday party, or get a whole chorus together and make it a sing-along. Previously unpublished.

On the worst day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

a bucket of elephant pee.

On the second day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.

On the third day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

three dunghills,

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

four hornet stings,

three dunghills,

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

five bowls of pus,

four hornet stings,

three dunghills,

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

six vomit smoothies,

five bowls of pus,

four hornet stings,

three dunghills,

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

seven poopy diapers,

six vomit smoothies,

five bowls of pus,

four hornet stings,

three dunghills,

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

eight snotty hankies,

seven poopy diapers,

six vomit smoothies,

five bowls of pus,

four hornet stings,

three dunghills,

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

nine rotting corpses,

eight snotty hankies,

seven poopy diapers,

six vomit smoothies,

five bowls of pus,

four hornet stings,

three dunghills,

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

ten earwax sculptures,

nine rotting corpses,

eight snotty hankies,

seven poopy diapers,

six vomit smoothies,

five bowls of pus,

four hornet stings,

three dunghills,

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

eleven puking warthogs,

ten earwax sculptures,

nine rotting corpses,

eight snotty hankies,

seven poopy diapers,

six vomit smoothies,

five bowls of pus,

four hornet stings,

three dunghills,

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my ex-love gave to me—

twelve elevator farts,

eleven puking warthogs,

ten earwax sculptures,

nine rotting corpses,

eight snotty hankies,

seven poopy diapers,

six vomit smoothies,

five bowls of pus,

four hornet stings,

three dunghills,

two parasites,

and a bucket of elephant pee.