The Twelve Musical Days of Christmas

When you sing this song at your next holiday party, be sure to ham it up.
Previously unpublished. Written in December of 2013.


On the first day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
a string quartet playing in D.

On the
second day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing in D . . . flat.

On the
third day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
three French horns,
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing in D . . . minor.

On the
fourth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
four quarter notes,
three French horns,
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing in D . . . minor diminished.


On the
fifth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
five metronomes,
four quarter notes,
three French horns,
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing in D . . . sharp.

On the
sixth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
six kettle drums,
five metronomes,
four quarter notes,
three French horns,
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing in D . . . sharp minor.

On the
seventh day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
seven blaring bagpipes,
six kettle drums,
five metronomes,
four quarter notes,
three French horns,
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing in D . . . major pentatonic.

On the
eighth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
eight clarinets,
seven blaring bagpipes,
six kettle drums,
five metronomes,
four quarter notes,
three French horns,
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing in D . . . ionian mode.


On the
ninth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
nine ninja nose flutes,
eight clarinets,
seven blaring bagpipes,
six kettle drums,
five metronomes,
four quarter notes,
three French horns,
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing in D . . . augmented.

On the
tenth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
ten sexy sackbuts,
nine ninja nose flutes,
eight clarinets,
seven blaring bagpipes,
six kettle drums,
five metronomes,
four quarter notes,
three French horns,
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing in D . . . natural minor.

On the
eleventh day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
eleven ocarinas,
ten sexy sackbuts,
nine ninja nose flutes,
eight clarinets,
seven blaring bagpipes,
six kettle drums,
five metronomes,
four quarter notes,
three French horns,
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing in D . . . aeolian imperfect authentic.


On the
twelfth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—
twelve shakuhachis,
eleven ocarinas,
ten sexy sackbuts,
nine ninja nose flutes,
eight clarinets,
seven blaring bagpipes,
six kettle drums,
five metronomes,
four quarter notes,
three French horns,
two ukuleles,
and a string quartet playing KAZOOOOOOOS.