The Twelve Musical Days of Christmas

When you sing this song at your next holiday party, be sure to ham it up.

Previously unpublished. Written in December of 2013.

On the first day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

a string quartet playing in D.

On the second day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing in D . . . flat.

On the third day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

three French horns,

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing in D . . . minor.

On the fourth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

four quarter notes,

three French horns,

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing in D . . . minor diminished.

On the fifth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

five metronomes,

four quarter notes,

three French horns,

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing in D . . . sharp.

On the sixth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

six kettle drums,

five metronomes,

four quarter notes,

three French horns,

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing in D . . . sharp minor.

On the seventh day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

seven blaring bagpipes,

six kettle drums,

five metronomes,

four quarter notes,

three French horns,

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing in D . . . major pentatonic.

On the eighth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

eight clarinets,

seven blaring bagpipes,

six kettle drums,

five metronomes,

four quarter notes,

three French horns,

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing in D . . . ionian mode.

On the ninth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

nine ninja nose flutes,

eight clarinets,

seven blaring bagpipes,

six kettle drums,

five metronomes,

four quarter notes,

three French horns,

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing in D . . . augmented.

On the tenth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

ten sexy sackbuts,

nine ninja nose flutes,

eight clarinets,

seven blaring bagpipes,

six kettle drums,

five metronomes,

four quarter notes,

three French horns,

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing in D . . . natural minor.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

eleven ocarinas,

ten sexy sackbuts,

nine ninja nose flutes,

eight clarinets,

seven blaring bagpipes,

six kettle drums,

five metronomes,

four quarter notes,

three French horns,

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing in D . . . aeolian imperfect authentic.

And now, the grand finale . . .

On the twelfth day of Christmas, musicians gave to me—

twelve shakuhachis,

eleven ocarinas,

ten sexy sackbuts,

nine ninja nose flutes,

eight clarinets,

seven blaring bagpipes,

six kettle drums,

five garden gnomes,

four quarter notes,

three French horns,

two ukuleles,

and a string quartet playing KAZOOOOOOOS.