The Times-Herald that day had good news

by Susan Oakes

The Times-Herald that day had good news

(sandwiched between bright persuasive ads

for year-end sales, and the personal views

of the conservative editor, who was mad

about the tax increase but very pleased

by the improving state of the economy):

Housing starts last month increased.

Hotels, motels filled to capacity;

Some businessmen, tourists turned away.

Two small-time investors scanned the Times over coffee,

smiling, reading aloud. “No recession today!”

one remarked, “at least not that I can see—”

“But you never know what to expect in this town!”

Royalty expected to arrive tomorrow; Secret

summit peace talks planned? City crime rate down.

Astronomers announce discovery of a new comet;

Locally visible to the east in the late-night sky.

Shepherds arrested for disorderly conduct . . . “What kind

of news article is that? They were probably drunk, or high!”

“They claim they saw angels . . .” “They’re out of their minds!”

First published in Gadfly, Walla Walla College, 1982.